Starting Over

A few weekends ago, we traveled to see my in-laws for Superbowl. And yes, before you ask, I did actually watch the game. And yes, I did actually enjoy it. Josh, being the dedicated Patriots fan, however, was not as thrilled to have watched the game. At least not when it was over. Another Superbowl loss for his team did not make him a happy camper. I, being the ever sensitive wife that I am, enjoyed poking fun at the situation. My loving, and oh so understanding husband, has become well adjusted to my unending habitual desire to joke in nearly every life situation that arises. No matter how hard I try to hide my sarcastic and joking side, it always takes over. Unemployment? Funny. Poverty? Funny. Black widow infestation? Funny. Perhaps not always funny at the moment, but I manage to joke about it someway or another. You know what they say. If you can't laugh, then you must not have any vocal cords.

Anyhow, as I was saying, we went to visit the in-laws. Now, we've become fairly comfortable (if that's possible) with our food allergic life style. Truly, it's become old hat to me when it comes to just about anything. Alex had also slipped into a dangerously comfortable place where he has become...well...far too trusting. Though I've taught him time and again to not take food unless I approve it, certain situations and people in his life he's come to trust. Turns out that this dangerous comfy place reared it's nasty head and has turned our lives upside down. Though I am ever vigilant in my label-reading and my mommy-eyes are always on alert when we leave the house, sometimes I just can't be in the right place when I need to be. Alex has certain things he knows is safe and someone just happened to offer him one of his favorite kinds of chips. The problem is that they also gave him some other chips of the same brand that were very much unsafe. I walked into the kitchen to see Alex carrying a bowl of chips. My highly trained eyes zeroed in on the bowl and his chip-stained fingers like a hawk spotting a helpless baby mouse in a field and I knew instantly what those chips were. Chili Cheese Fritos. And Alex had already eaten quite a few. I snatched the bowl away and B-lined for his medical bag. By the time I got back, he had developed hives on his face, began drooling and his ears were starting to itch. He was scared, possibly feeding off of my inevitable fear for his safety, but thankfully the medicine and my quick response reversed the effects and all was right with the world...or so I thought.

Fast-forward to present day, a few weeks later. Alex is now mortally afraid of every piece of food offered to him. Now this might not seem like a bad thing. Especially in school or other unfamiliar places. But at home, he should always...always feel safe. Home base = safety. Because of this one moment of taking the wrong food from someone he put his trust in, he has become scarred to a point that I am completely unsure how to deal with. He's struggling severely with taking food from me. He asks me with everything, "Is there cow milk or peanuts in that?" He asks with all food. Strawberries, soy-milk, bread, cereal, popcorn, etc. All the food he felt safe with, all the years I've spent making him feel safe, are now erased and I'm not sure what to do. So we are starting over. It's been the roughest few weeks I've had in a long time. At times, he becomes so afraid of what he's eating that he will induce what can only be defined as a small panic attack for fear that it has milk in it. He has even cried and curled up in fear under the table at the prospect of strawberries having milk in them. What am I supposed to do? I just don't know. I think he's finally beginning to trust me again, but I don't know how long it will take to get back to where we once were. I fear he's scarred from this, but with prayer and hope, this too shall pass. Poor kid. I feel like it's all my fault, but what more could I have done? Each day he seems to trust me just a miniscule amount more, but I fear the long road ahead will be a bumpy one. So anyone out there, pray for Alex to regain his confidence. He shouldn't have to live in fear at home. I'm praying for a healthy balance. Fear at school? Good. Fear at home? Bad. Yep...starting over can really stink.