Confidence

When Alex started school, I fulled expected to be eating lunch with him everyday for a few months. He was very nervous about the whole ordeal. As was I. I started off sitting with him at the table for the first few days. Then it came to my observation that the three meager tables they sit all of those kindergartners at were filling up so fast that I shouldn't be taking up a whole space and a half with my ever growing body. (Thank you pregnancy weight.) With Abby with me as well, it was better for the whole situation if I just stood or kneeled next to the table. And believe me when I say that kneeling on the cold cafeteria floor for 20 minutes while preggo is a no go. Uncomfortable at best. So slowly over the past three weeks, I've been just standing further and further away from the table so that now all I really do is just lean up against the wall and stare mindlessly off into the distance while Alex and Abby dine away. Alex kept asking me to come because he wasn't comfortable eating without me. When ever I was late, he wouldn't eat until I got there and you could visibly see his knees bouncing up and down in a nervous way until I appeared. I promised him I'm come until he told me he didn't want me there anymore.

Yesterday I had to go to the preggo doctor for a retake of my glucose tolerance test (that's for a whole other post unfortunately). I told him all weekend that I might not make it to lunch and he was fairly nervous about it but he was doing well by the time I dropped him off in the morning. I booked it from the doc and made it home in due time to eat lunch with him. Turns out that my desperate attempt to rush around like a crazy lady was all for naught. As I got there, the kid was sitting in his end table spot eating away with a grin from ear to ear with the rest of the cold lunch kids. When I saw him sitting there confident and happy, I quickly debated whether or not to go all ninja and disappear before he saw me, but alas! My ninja skills were not well honed. (Probably has something to do with my oversized body. Have you ever seen a giant pregnant lady sprint? Not cool.) He spotted me and started waving and yelling, "There's my mom! HI MOM!!" I walked over to him and he proceeded to tell me that he didn't think I would come. What I mistook as relief was actually a sense of comfort. He looked up at me and said, "Mom, I don't think you need to eat lunch with me anymore. I can do this by myself now." As a matter of fact, halfway through eating he looked at me and said, "Mom, you can go ahead and leave now. I'll see you after school."

*sniff, sniff*

Yep. Three weeks into school and ol' mom is no longer a necessity at lunch. So I asked him if he was sure and he explained to me that he'd rather sit with his friends now and that he knows he can do this without me and be safe. He said he knows the rules about food then quickly spouted them all to me. I asked him to tell me all the food rules this morning again just to be sure and he spouted them again, but this time with a subtle eye roll at the end and said, "Yeah, yeah. I got it mom."

*sniff, sniff*

Yep. So only three weeks in and Alex has his confidence. Don't get me wrong. This was my original goal. But when he told me all along that he would maybe be okay eating after he turns six years old, I was all set on my daily schedule of meeting him for lunch. I'm proud of the little dude. He's had to carry this burden of allergies with him for all his life and has done so well dealing with the added stress of it. Some days are worse than others for him if he gets left out of special things. But he does great and I'm blessed to have such a strong little boy. Of course when lunch time hits I'll be biting my nails until they bleed today, but I'll keep trucking. I have other things to be concerned about today. It's Abby's first day of pre-school. *gulp* To be continued I suppose...