Hoofprints: The Worst & Best Day

For several years (maybe even a decade) I've had a pesky little lump about the size of a dime sitting at the back of my bottom jawline. I've been to the doctor many times to find out what it is, but was always told that if it hadn't grown or anything, then it was nothing to be concerned about. Honestly, it always bugged me that it was there and was a constant point of anxiety for me. I would find myself feeling it or moving it around. So, after years of wondering, I had an incident with Evie over a year ago. She jumped on my neck and hit the lump, causing me pain. I'd had enough and decided to go to the doctor - again - and not stop until I knew what the heck that little lump was.

So, my doc is pretty cool. He knows I have some anxiety regarding my health and sent me to an ear, nose, throat doctor who took a biopsy of the lump but was 100% sure that it was nothing to worry about. Two biopsies and a CT scan later, I was told that it was benign and that I shouldn't give it a second thought ever again. Ok. It was a terrible time and I hated that the thing was still inside my body. BUT - I had no reason to continue further as it was benign.

Fast forward almost exactly a year -

Christmas 2015, I got a bad cold. The cold escalated into something that sent my nose all tingly and I jumped from doctor to chiropractor back to the ENT (ear/nose/throat). Why the ENT again? The lump began to get tender again and I was almost certain it had grown slightly. The chiropractor told me it was a muscle lump of some kind. The doc told me I could go back to the ENT and so I did. The ENT was...well...unsympathetic to my new symptoms. He looked at me for 15 seconds and then rushed out of the room mumbling, "It's nothing serious. You're fine. Don't see any more doctors about that thing."

It wasn't good enough. It hurt and I hated the thing and wanted it out of my body, else I'd never stop thinking about it. Something kept telling me inside to keep pushing. So I went back to my awesomely understanding doctor and he said that my current ENT was...well...old. I laughed, but I think he might be right. He said it was time for a second opinion. Thank the good Lord above! So off I went to my new and much more understanding ENT. He said if it hadn't grown in all these years that it was extremely unlikely to be dangerous, but he was 100% certain that it was a tumor off of my parotid gland (major salivary gland beside your cheek/ear). Funny. The other ENT never said it was a tumor. In fact, he assured me it was anything but. Ha! He (along with his helpful intern - who was possibly young enough to be my child) said he'd take a quick biopsy and I'd have an answer as to exactly what it was (tumor or fatty lump, etc.) within fifteen minutes. Have you ever had a biopsy? It sucks. A needle shoved point-blank into your face with zero numbing. Not. Cool.

So began the wait. The infernal wait. I was a wreck! My anxiety was so bad, I was one heartbeat away from a full on panic attack. The nurse, a blessing in its truest form, came in to tell me that I would be fine because the doc was sure it was nothing serious. Within about ten minutes, the doc came into the room with his intern with a not-so-good look on his face. He wasted no time and said, "Well, it turns out that it IS cancerous." I started to pass out and the intern helped me not fall out of the chair. I couldn't believe it. My worst fear had come to pass.

The day was a blur of tears and tests. By the time I left the ENT, I had a biopsy, MRI scans to make sure the cancer hadn't spread to my lymph nodes, and an appointment set up for surgery for the following week to have my entire parotid gland, the tumor, and some surrounding lymph nodes removed. I was terrifed, but glad to start the path to get better. The worst part, was telling everyone. My children being the worst part. They've dealt with so much so I was worried about them hearing the word 'cancer'. Especially since their grandma died from cancer. But they deserved to know, regardless. No one could believe that I had cancer. Many emotions went around that day and the prayer began. God was the only one to get me through this when push came to shove. And honestly, I didn't cry another tear after day two. I had a peace that could only have been Heaven sent. It was surreal, but I was grateful for it. I had worries. I had several cases of the "what-if's". But I managed. Which if you knew me, is saying a lot.

One week passed and it was off to surgery. I was surprisingly calm (thank God) and the surgery went well. The doc said before surgery that there was a 5% chance that the first biopsy would be wrong and that the new biopsies would be benign. He said not to get my hopes up, but the chance was there. The surgery was painful to heal from, but I got through it. Technically, I'm still dealing with the aftermath (post-op 2 months now). I'm still numb on the ear and will always be. My cheek is still numb as well. I hope that goes away. I still have some pain and had a few stitch abcesses. (apparently my body doesn't tolerate dissovable stitches - go figure.) Alex and Abby were pretty much terrified that I was going to die. Abby wouldn't even look at me. It was a rough week until the follow up appointment.

The day of the follow up, I got a phone call in the morning from the nurse (the same nurse who sat with me while I was alone during that dreadful day two weeks before). She had gotten the biopsy report and the doc said that I shouldn't be forced to wait until my appointment that afternoon to hear this. The reports had come back and the rare chance happened. The entire biopsy came back 100% benign! I cried on the phone and the nurse cried with me. We both praised the Lord together and it was officially the first time I sobbed in utter joy. I can't express the joy I had. I ran to the school with Evie after calling several people and told Alex and Abby at lunch. I also have the blessing of teachers at school who had been praying and watching out for my upset children and got to tell them as well. What an amazing day! The joy was overflowing! And I made my doc and nurse some chocolate chip cookies to give them as a thanks before I went to my actual appointment that afternoon.

So, in the end, within two weeks, I'd experienced the worst and best days of my life. I went from being terrified about the radiation therapy that I was certain to have and whether or not the cancer had spread to, being great and healed and scary lump free. The amount of prayer and blessings that happened were astounding and my life is most certainly changed for it all. I am happy these days. My face is healing good. I've had some hiccups along the way, but it's a process I am all too happy to go through. What a start to the year, right? What a crazy ride this has been. Onward and upward! Here are the pictures of the progression so far.