The Worst & Best Day

For several years (maybe even a decade) I've had a pesky little lump about the size of a dime sitting at the back of my bottom jawline. I've been to the doctor many times to find out what it is, but was always told that if it hadn't grown or anything, then it was nothing to be concerned about. Honestly, it always bugged me that it was there and was a constant point of anxiety for me. I would find myself feeling it or moving it around. So, after years of wondering, I had an incident with Evie over a year ago. She jumped on my neck and hit the lump, causing me pain. I'd had enough and decided to go to the doctor - again - and not stop until I knew what the heck that little lump was.

So, my doc is pretty cool. He knows I have some anxiety regarding my health and sent me to an ear, nose, throat doctor who took a biopsy of the lump but was 100% sure that it was nothing to worry about. Two biopsies and a CT scan later, I was told that it was benign and that I shouldn't give it a second thought ever again. Ok. It was a terrible time and I hated that the thing was still inside my body. BUT - I had no reason to continue further as it was benign.

Fast forward almost exactly a year -

Christmas 2015, I got a bad cold. The cold escalated into something that sent my nose all tingly and I jumped from doctor to chiropractor back to the ENT (ear/nose/throat). Why the ENT again? The lump began to get tender again and I was almost certain it had grown slightly. The chiropractor told me it was a muscle lump of some kind. The doc told me I could go back to the ENT and so I did. The ENT was...well...unsympathetic to my new symptoms. He looked at me for 15 seconds and then rushed out of the room mumbling, "It's nothing serious. You're fine. Don't see any more doctors about that thing."

It wasn't good enough. It hurt and I hated the thing and wanted it out of my body, else I'd never stop thinking about it. Something kept telling me inside to keep pushing. So I went back to my awesomely understanding doctor and he said that my current ENT was...well...old. I laughed, but I think he might be right. He said it was time for a second opinion. Thank the good Lord above! So off I went to my new and much more understanding ENT. He said if it hadn't grown in all these years that it was extremely unlikely to be dangerous, but he was 100% certain that it was a tumor off of my parotid gland (major salivary gland beside your cheek/ear). Funny. The other ENT never said it was a tumor. In fact, he assured me it was anything but. Ha! He (along with his helpful intern - who was possibly young enough to be my child) said he'd take a quick biopsy and I'd have an answer as to exactly what it was (tumor or fatty lump, etc.) within fifteen minutes. Have you ever had a biopsy? It sucks. A needle shoved point-blank into your face with zero numbing. Not. Cool.

So began the wait. The infernal wait. I was a wreck! My anxiety was so bad, I was one heartbeat away from a full on panic attack. The nurse, a blessing in its truest form, came in to tell me that I would be fine because the doc was sure it was nothing serious. Within about ten minutes, the doc came into the room with his intern with a not-so-good look on his face. He wasted no time and said, "Well, it turns out that it IS cancerous." I started to pass out and the intern helped me not fall out of the chair. I couldn't believe it. My worst fear had come to pass.

The day was a blur of tears and tests. By the time I left the ENT, I had a biopsy, MRI scans to make sure the cancer hadn't spread to my lymph nodes, and an appointment set up for surgery for the following week to have my entire parotid gland, the tumor, and some surrounding lymph nodes removed. I was terrifed, but glad to start the path to get better. The worst part, was telling everyone. My children being the worst part. They've dealt with so much so I was worried about them hearing the word 'cancer'. Especially since their grandma died from cancer. But they deserved to know, regardless. No one could believe that I had cancer. Many emotions went around that day and the prayer began. God was the only one to get me through this when push came to shove. And honestly, I didn't cry another tear after day two. I had a peace that could only have been Heaven sent. It was surreal, but I was grateful for it. I had worries. I had several cases of the "what-if's". But I managed. Which if you knew me, is saying a lot.

One week passed and it was off to surgery. I was surprisingly calm (thank God) and the surgery went well. The doc said before surgery that there was a 5% chance that the first biopsy would be wrong and that the new biopsies would be benign. He said not to get my hopes up, but the chance was there. The surgery was painful to heal from, but I got through it. Technically, I'm still dealing with the aftermath (post-op 2 months now). I'm still numb on the ear and will always be. My cheek is still numb as well. I hope that goes away. I still have some pain and had a few stitch abcesses. (apparently my body doesn't tolerate dissovable stitches - go figure.) Alex and Abby were pretty much terrified that I was going to die. Abby wouldn't even look at me. It was a rough week until the follow up appointment.

The day of the follow up, I got a phone call in the morning from the nurse (the same nurse who sat with me while I was alone during that dreadful day two weeks before). She had gotten the biopsy report and the doc said that I shouldn't be forced to wait until my appointment that afternoon to hear this. The reports had come back and the rare chance happened. The entire biopsy came back 100% benign! I cried on the phone and the nurse cried with me. We both praised the Lord together and it was officially the first time I sobbed in utter joy. I can't express the joy I had. I ran to the school with Evie after calling several people and told Alex and Abby at lunch. I also have the blessing of teachers at school who had been praying and watching out for my upset children and got to tell them as well. What an amazing day! The joy was overflowing! And I made my doc and nurse some chocolate chip cookies to give them as a thanks before I went to my actual appointment that afternoon.

So, in the end, within two weeks, I'd experienced the worst and best days of my life. I went from being terrified about the radiation therapy that I was certain to have and whether or not the cancer had spread to, being great and healed and scary lump free. The amount of prayer and blessings that happened were astounding and my life is most certainly changed for it all. I am happy these days. My face is healing good. I've had some hiccups along the way, but it's a process I am all too happy to go through. What a start to the year, right? What a crazy ride this has been. Onward and upward! Here are the pictures of the progression so far.

Prepping for the big surgery.

"X" marks the spot. That blue spot is the tumor. Wouldn't want to cut the wrong side of my face.

Prepped and lookin' fancy.

Josh took this when I was trying to wake up. Nice.

Finally home with my babies.

24 hours post op. Yikes. I look so thin! I lost like 10 or more pounds in a week from nerves.

1 week post op.

That yellow tint? yeah...not iodine. It's bruising.

Celebrating my cancer-free diagnosis with a day out with my bud!

Spring has Sprung!

Rainbows, the massive fire in Kansas, and Evie learning to ride a bike. That's what's happening around here. It's been fun having nice weather, but the rain needs to head to the fire across the way so that we never have to see the kind of scary smoke that traveled so many miles our way. We had a red sun! Scary stuff! Evie is getting better at riding her bike. So happy to move down this road so we can all take family bike rides again. She's getting better every day.

Scary amount of smoke from hundreds of miles away. Red sun then no sun!

January 2015

This January has been a crazy whirlwind of a month. It started out normally, but then spiraled into an insane mess of a month that I'll be happy not to repeat. Now, technically, the month did not start with snow. Actually, thus far, we have yet to have a real snow for the winter. Ice? Yes. Snow? Not so much. But this "snow" was on the last couple of days of December. I like to show my kiddos in the snow every year and this might be the only shot I get at that. I am not a fan on winter, but I do enjoy snow.

After Christmas, we had a great New Years. My brother, Jeremy, and his family were here and we spent a lot of our time over at mom's house with them. We enjoyed playing some board games while eating a whole ton of junk food. We actually played a game called Scategories. I've owned it forever and forgotten about it. Honestly, I haven't laughed that hard in ages. My entire body was sore the next day from laughing. It was a great time and I hope we get to do that again in the future.  Family game nights will be fun when the kids get older. For now, we do the movie and popcorn thing. And thanks to Grandpa Paul, we have fun new beanbag chairs to enjoy it with.

 About half way through the month, we experienced yet another Alex injury moment. The last one was with his badly sprained foot and the most recent was much more devastating. We were out on a nice walk on one of the nicest days of the winter and Alex decided he was going to jump over a railing that stood about a foot off of the ground and dropped on the other side another half a foot directly onto a sidewalk. I quickly envisioned him tripping over the railing and falling and told him not to do it. Guess what? He did it anyways. And guess what happened next? He failed to use his hands to block the fall and landed face first on the cement. As I watched this happen, I knew that it was bad. He went limp and didn't move. I ran to him and tried to pick him up. He weighs almost 80 pounds and it wasn't easy to pick him up, but I did. I didn't have my phone with me (as it's not connected to me 24/7). Luckily, a neighbor saw the whole thing and had his phone on him.

So here I am. No phone. My oldest kid is in my arms and can't remember his name. Blood is filling his mouth and running down his face and he's saying over and over, "I feel like I'm in a dream. I think I'm dying." His arms were limp and he couldn't move them. His eyes were out of focus and I was absolutely terrified. Watching that kid fall and hit his face haunts me constantly. I can't pass that place on the sidewalk without feeling every nerve in my body flare up. It was horrid. When I finally got him onto the grass across the street just a block from our house, I had Abby run to the house and get my phone so I could call my mom so that she could watch the girls while I go to the hospital with Alex. In the mean time, the neighbor called 911. Overkill? Maybe. Maybe not. But he lost his memory, blacked out and couldn't move his head or arms. I wasn't going to chance anything. The paramedics came to our rescue along with the local volunteer firefighters. After several checks and some cleaning up, they said he would be okay to wait it out until the next day as long as he didn't get worse. I am a so thankful for these men and women. They've been to our rescue more times than I can even count anymore.

I spent the night checking him and Alex spent the night in severe pain. His top front teeth were loose and blood blisters on the gums above them. His arm was so sore that he couldn't move it. His head was pounding and his lips and nose hurt something awful. The following day, we spent the whole day (start to finish) at doctors and dentists to get him checked.

Step one: Dentist. The paramedics said he needed checked first thing in the morning and we headed in to see his dentist. It was a miracle he walked away from this as well as he did. The dentist was shocked, but there were no cracks or permanent damage. However, he did completely tear the ligament that holds his top front two teeth in place. So he was ordered only soft food and no biting on his teeth for 10 days with an antibiotic mouthwash to ward off infection. Then I was told by the Dentist that he needed to go to his doctor to get his face checked. So...step two. We headed to his pediatrician. The said that he did, in fact, suffer a concussion. No sports, P.E., or recess for at least two weeks. He sprained his whole arm and needed a brace for a few days and had to miss school. But they were certain that he fractured his face in several places and broke his nose. So off to step three: Xrays. We went to get six xrays of his face and found out later than he didn't fracture anything. All the doctors said the same thing: It's a miracle.

So lesson learned: Listen to mom. And the lesson for me? Boys are scary to raise. *sigh*

 In between our moments of crazy, I still had to do my normal weekly shopping with my tiny ice cream lover, Miss Evie. We go out and get lunch most weeks on Thursday just to keep things fun. She gets a small thing of chocolate ice cream when she eats her lunch and I enjoy these moments with her. When she goes to school, I'm going to miss this and be very, very lonely. Love my lunch dates with this cutie!

We also, got to enjoy seeing Star Wars: The Force Awakens in the IMAX theater. I was a tad worried about Evie seeing a 3D movie, but she did fantastic. It was my second time seeing it (as I missed out once because Evie wouldn't see Good Dinosaur with Grandma and I had to switch theaters with her my mom). I love that movie! So great in 3D too!

 Evie had a big moment at the Dentist at her cleaning. She did the whole thing by herself. No lap sitting and she did wonderful! I am so proud of her. Such a big girl! I'm hoping she takes after Abby with the dentist. Abby is the perfect patient. Alex? not so much, but that's okay.

 Aaand...last but not least, another big moment for the big kid. Alex had to get glasses. He's been struggling with  seeing the white board at school for several months, but one eye just wasn't ready yet for glasses and he's been monitored closely by the eye doctor to wait until his good eye catches up with the other. It happened and off we went to pick out glasses. I was a little concerned that he'd struggle wearing them. But he's doing great and can actually see now. So he's happy. He looks good in glasses, but is a whole different kid. Especially with his Luke Skywalker hair. (that's the look he's going for.)

So this was January. It was nuts and I was glad it was over and ready to start fresh with a new month. No, hold on. I'm forgetting something, arnen't I? Oh...and also, I was diagnosed with cancer on January 28th.

To be continued...