Evie's 2nd Birthday

 

Evie turned one this week. She's doing so much these days. It's almost hard to believe that she is just one and not five. She started walking at 7 1/2 months and didn't look back. Right now, she's really in love with all things cats. She has a favorite stuffed animal of a kitten that she totes around with her and loves and so this year I decided to go with a kitty cake. I think she loved it...as much as a one-year old can love a cake. She'll appreciate it when she grows up and sees these pictures.

Her first birthday was bitter-sweet. First of all, my dad missed it. Just barely, too. It's a hard time at this point in my life. I can barely hold myself together, let alone keep a smile on my face. Dad not being here was harsh. Harsher than I ever thought possible. That being said, I did my best. I couldn't not make her a pretty cake, so that is what I threw all my attention to. It kept me busy, and busy is good these days. You can't cry when you're busy.

Lots of family showed up. I'm thinking it was mostly because they knew it would be a good distraction from the over-powering sadness. Evie, bless her heart, is young enough to not know the loss and sadness that others are feeling. In a way, I'm thankful. Alex and Abby are having a hard time dealing. As I write this, you should know, it's been two years since this day happened. I'm post-dating this blog so it's recorded. So anyone who happens on this post will understand that I can remember it well, though it felt as though life was a dream at this point.

Evie is so busy for a one-year old and I'm so happy  and blessed to be her mommy. I think, despite all the crazy, it was a good time. Or goodish, I suppose. Once again, there was an empty spot where Dad should be - an empty sound to 'Happy Birthday' with his baratone voice missing. It was a hard time. Oh...and also...thank you to my good friend Mandy for taking the time to record this in pictures for me as Evie managed to throw my camera across the house and destroy it just days before her birthday. Stinker.

Mmm...cake.

Present time for the big girl.

Look at that perfectly bald head.

Mandy told me that this picture perfectly captures this time in my life. I was barely hanging on, but had to be a mom too.

The cake looks like her special stuffed animal kitty.

Here comes the grumpy.

Alex's 7th Birthday: October 17, 2013

Alex is seven years old. What a goofball.

Well...it's only a month late. So, now that I've addressed that, let's not waste any time.

Alex turned 7 years old on October 17th. Alex's age lines up directly with how long we've lived in our house and how old (plus one year) three of our five cats are. What he wanted to do for his birthday was  have a slumber party. I was completely on board for this prior to my dad's passing. As my emotional capacity was dwindling quite severely, I ended up opting out of the slumber party and convincing him on slightly different plans. He got to invite quite a few friends from school to enjoy cake, popsicles, punch, a silly string extravaganza and a pinata. He seemed okay with it until I told him he could have his best bud, Kyler, spend the night after the party was over. It sweetened the deal just enough that I didn't harbor too much guilt for being the uncool mom who broke her word. It was Alex's first birthday without my dad....aka Grandpa. It was rough for everyone. Especially mom and the kids.

 We started off with the silly string craziness. I had a mummy halloween decoration that I attached to this chair...

He was less than recognizable after it was over. It was the fan favorite target. Remummified!

Alex got tons of presents. Thanks everyone!

Cupcake and popsicle time!

Can't leave Evie out with her cupcake. She enjoyed it thoroughly.

Alex with his shark pinata. Which, by the way, is still in pieces in my backyard. Wow, I'm lazy.

Abby. This makes me laugh. Good shot, picture taker (Mandy?).

And how did Evie spend her time? With her new best friend, Uncle Jake. I still don't get it. I swear he wears some kind of baby catnip or something. She even fought to get out of my arms to go to him. Way to go bro. You just sealed the deal as future babysitter. ;-)

The silly string was a huge hit! The kids loved it. Here's the thing about silly string: Its short-lived...very short-lived. But it was fun, nonetheless. I originally set out to have a silly string fight with each other. After reading that it can be torture to remove from hair and how it can only be removed with peanutbutter, I had to nix that idea. (We are peanut-free here.) I ended up setting up targets all over the backyard (thank you awesome weather!) and had them spray those in a mad, crazy frenzy. It was a hit and I do believe they enjoyed themselves. Then, we had our first pinata experience. I lost the top of my broom and ended up with a bruise on my knuckles (thank you Abby). But otherwise, they enjoyed that too. It was filled with shark stuff...naturally.

I went full on lazy this time and didn't even decorate a cake for the kid. Rockin' my lazy-mom shoes these days. It was cupcakes and popsicles for the win this go around. He came away with a ton of shark stuff to add to his ever-growing shark collection. This kid is crazy for sharks! He has over 30 shark books now. And still wants more! Crazy kid.

Best buds, Alex and Kyler. I love it! They are so fun together. They both love sharks.

My homemade shark decoration. It was Alex's idea. It's still sitting in my laundry room.

The sleepover was a blast for the two kids. Alex and Kyler are just a hoot to watch play. I'm glad he has such a great buddy. Makes me smile. They watched tv, played football and had a great time while eating everything but the dining room table.

As far as where the kiddo is in life, well...I'm really proud of Alex. He's seven and so smart and creative. I'm really blessed to have such a responsible kid. He's had some wacky cards dealt him in his young life, but has handled them all with a sense of maturity that you wouldn't normally see in kids his age. It's great to see how much he matures and grows in the span of a year. He's almost 60 pounds and just over a foot or so shorter than I am. He's in a "special" class at school with one other kid because he's a bit ahead of the other kids in his grade. They needed to get him somewhere to keep his mind expanding and pushing him to limits beyond what they are learning day to day. He's also doing AR and enjoying that. I don't know where he gets his brains from, but we are proud of him. I cant wait to see how far he comes in another year. What a ride it's been! Happy birthday Alex!

Nightmare

It's been a month to forget.

Pretty much, that sums it up. I know that I should be sitting here on the couch every night, documenting my life and my children's lives so that one day, they can look back and read about how it was, once upon a time. But as I said before, the last month...well...I'd rather just not relive it. Ever. I don't believe I have any readers for my blog other than the random family member that checks in from time to time. So, I'm sure everyone knows the basics to why I'm avoiding my cyber-writing duties. My dad passed away a month ago.

It sucks.

It sucks very badly.

It sucks so bad, that I've had almost zero will or want to do just about anything of value since it happened.

Depressed? You bet your butt I am! Angry? Heck, ya! Sad? Beyond words. I am heartsick and broken inside. So please forgive my absence. I know I wasn't the most avid blogger before, but this has been quite the hiatus...even for me. I'm functioning on basically all of the lower levels right now. You know...hygiene, eating, drinking, taking care of the kids. Anything nonessential is just pointless for now.

My dad was so wonderful. He was the kind of man who never met a stranger and his laugh was infectious. He was the best grandpa you could ask for and now? Now he's gone. I know he's healed and flying high in the loving arms of our Lord now. But that doesn't help my hurt go away. The worst of it is watching my mom shatter into millions of pieces each day and watching her fall into my arms so I can keep her from hitting the ground. Telling my children that their grandpa died was the hardest, most horrible thing I've ever had to do. Hearing their cries and watching their hearts break was torture.

Each day, I wake up and think it was was just a nightmare that I am leaving behind, only to remember that it is all too true. Each day I cry, even if it's just while I take a shower. I miss my dad. I miss him more than I ever thought possible. At his funeral, I had the honor of giving a tribute to him. I also had the honor of writing his obituary. If one can call that an honor.

I don't know what else to say about it, but I owe it to my family/friends that try to keep up with my life through this blog to at least explain my disappearance. But don't worry. It's not just my blog that got back-burnered. I can't even seem to write on facebook anymore. And my book? That one I just published? Yeah. Don't care. Will I get back into the swing of life again? Will I go back to blogging? Yeah. I'm sure of it. Just not today.

So what can I tell you from my living nightmare? Hug your parents. Tell them you love them. Tell them how much they mean to you. If they do something that drives you crazy, cherish it. You'll miss the crazy when they're gone. Take pictures of them...with your kids. Be appreciative of them. Be thankful for them. Because you still have them. You never know how much you miss someone...

...until they're gone.

Miss you dad. Love you.

(My dad's obituary...if you're interested.)