Well heckfire! I have this grand plan for this third birth. Due to my past birthing experiences, I decided that this time around I would try something completely different. For the first two births I went as far as I could with labor pain and pansied up eventually both times by opting for the epidural. Alex was, by far, my most difficult birth of the two. 30 hours of labor, a fourth degree tear, forcep assisted delivery, and an epidural that never really fully worked. The epidural took the edge off the pain, but by pushing time, I thought I'd die. I even passed out for a brief second. Abby was significantly less time for labor, but the anesthesiologist neglected to prewarn me to the ugly electrical zap you get when they get to your spine with the giant needle and whammo! I had a headache I thought would kill me due to a spinal wet tap. Not. Cool. I couldn't turn my head straight for 12 hours and then couldn't lift anything at all for ten days after that. So this time around, my grand plan involves sucking it up and huffing through the pain like they did back in the old days. Good ol' fashioned, bite on a stick, grin and bear it like your mama did kind of birth! Oh yeah!
The plan seemed fail proof because I had a hero to look up to. I was under the impression my mom went epidural free for three of four births. I've thought this...no wait. She led me to believe this by leaving out one minor detail. She got blasted epidurals on every one of us dang kids!! What the hanky spanky?!? How she never mentioned this to me is beyond my knowledge. Here I was, feeling all pathetic and weak because I was sure that my mom (the woman who I truly believe could have her arm hacked off horror movie style and still manage to kick the bad guys butt and stop for coffee on the way to the hospital afterwards) went and gave birth like a female commando on the battlefield. Yesterday, I was telling my dearest mother how I have zero clue how to breathe properly and do all those birthing techniques but that "Heck! It can't be so bad. I mean, you did it three times so I can do it once, right?" That's when she dropped the bomb on me. At my most fragile moment of preparing myself mentally for a natural birth, she said in a somewhat shyish voice, "I didn't go natural. I got the epidural on all four of you kids."
I peed myself slightly while my mouth was gaping in shock.
So here I sit. Hero-less, 10 weeks from giving birth, and newly terrified for the horrific pain and suffering I am about to impose on myself.
Crap.
I am still going to plan on the zero epidural technique as my doc says it might be for the best. I've had lots of doctors and dentists tell me that my nerve pattern is not "normal" which is why the epidurals don't work the way they are supposed to and why dentists can't numb my mouth properly. Plus, I'm not sure I can take the fear of what could go wrong with a third one. They say wet taps are very, very rare. So rare, in fact, that they were shocked that it happened to me at all. Go figure. So if you're an awesome hero woman who gave birth with zero pain meds, zero gas, and zero blocks...let me know. I'm looking for someone to fill the position of 'birthing idol'...and time is growing thin.
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2 comments:
If you need a super hero just look in the mirror. You can do this. Look at all you've done and had to deal with. Plus anybody can do anything for 12 hours (let's all hope it's a lot less though).
:) That's the nicest thing anyone's said to me. thanks so much! I hope you're right. Want to be the head of my labor cheer squad? lol
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