One Hug

I don't understand how school can change a mom's life so dramatically and do so at a speed so incredibly unfathomable by my brain. I knew this past summer would be the end of an era with the kiddos and the beginning of a new one. I just didn't realize how much it really did change...until today.

Life has been hectic to say the very least. What with being a mere 10 or so days from having a baby, being a room mom, two kids in different schools, and life in general, I've been busy almost every single day. Each day after dropping Alex off at school in the morning, my days simply run me raw. It's been go, go, go for weeks now and since Alex's confidence with his food allergies at school, I've let life get away from me in a way. Those few weeks when I met Alex at school for lunch were precious to me. It was harder for me to let it go than it was for him by far. But I did it. I moved on and started even scheduling my doctor appointments in that time frame. But for the past two weeks, Alex has been asking me each day if I could meet him for lunch. I've become so swamped during the days that I tell him the same thing each time. "I can't bud. I'm really busy today."

Today, theoretically of course, I was actually going to be home and could meet him. So when the kid asked me to eat lunch with him, I said I'd do my best to get there. Naturally, something came up. Last night I started to make my way to the E.R. for what I thought was a blood pressure issue. (I'm fine...false alarm.) My doc wanted me to come in at 10:15 for a quick blood pressure/fetal heart rate check and as they are only open until noon, I had to go. It's a good 45 minute trip there and I realized that it would be really hard to get back for lunch at 11:00 for Alex. For the first time in awhile, I floated up out of my body and realized that I could not, under any circumstance, miss my lunch date with my six year old boy entirely. I kept picturing that little face wrecked with disappointment when I failed to walk through those lunchroom doors today. And you know what? I hauled butt home just in time to catch him at his last five minutes of lunch. The look of joy on that little boy's face when I went into that lunchroom was pure happiness in it's most raw form. He jumped up and gave me a hug that I swear to this day, I've never experienced before. It was a hug that meant something more than just 'hello' or 'love ya mom'. It was a hug from a child who missed his mama. He gave me countless hugs after that and his big brown eyes were glassed over from little tears he dared not spilled in front of the world. And by golly, I could feel my own eyes stinging at the corners. I promised him that tonight we'd go out and look at the stars and find constellations together after Abby went to sleep and that's just what we did. Then we came in, read a book together and you could see the joy in his face. The one that say's "It's just me and mom". And it felt good.

I've decided not to let life get so hectic that I forget to spend time with the kids. Not just the typical routine days, but time. Honest to goodness time. Their eyes won't always go alight when they see you walk into a room. That one hug was a wake up call to me. I'll never forget it. It may have been the last five minutes of lunch, but it meant the world to him. I found out that he'd gotten to lunch late because he'd gotten lost and locked out of the lunchroom. It couldn't have been more perfect of a day to be there for him. I'm done rushing. It's time to slow down and enjoy the moments that I could have missed so easily. I could have missed that one hug. Thank God I didn't.