Nightmare

It's been a month to forget.

Pretty much, that sums it up. I know that I should be sitting here on the couch every night, documenting my life and my children's lives so that one day, they can look back and read about how it was, once upon a time. But as I said before, the last month...well...I'd rather just not relive it. Ever. I don't believe I have any readers for my blog other than the random family member that checks in from time to time. So, I'm sure everyone knows the basics to why I'm avoiding my cyber-writing duties. My dad passed away a month ago.

It sucks.

It sucks very badly.

It sucks so bad, that I've had almost zero will or want to do just about anything of value since it happened.

Depressed? You bet your butt I am! Angry? Heck, ya! Sad? Beyond words. I am heartsick and broken inside. So please forgive my absence. I know I wasn't the most avid blogger before, but this has been quite the hiatus...even for me. I'm functioning on basically all of the lower levels right now. You know...hygiene, eating, drinking, taking care of the kids. Anything nonessential is just pointless for now.

My dad was so wonderful. He was the kind of man who never met a stranger and his laugh was infectious. He was the best grandpa you could ask for and now? Now he's gone. I know he's healed and flying high in the loving arms of our Lord now. But that doesn't help my hurt go away. The worst of it is watching my mom shatter into millions of pieces each day and watching her fall into my arms so I can keep her from hitting the ground. Telling my children that their grandpa died was the hardest, most horrible thing I've ever had to do. Hearing their cries and watching their hearts break was torture.

Each day, I wake up and think it was was just a nightmare that I am leaving behind, only to remember that it is all too true. Each day I cry, even if it's just while I take a shower. I miss my dad. I miss him more than I ever thought possible. At his funeral, I had the honor of giving a tribute to him. I also had the honor of writing his obituary. If one can call that an honor.

I don't know what else to say about it, but I owe it to my family/friends that try to keep up with my life through this blog to at least explain my disappearance. But don't worry. It's not just my blog that got back-burnered. I can't even seem to write on facebook anymore. And my book? That one I just published? Yeah. Don't care. Will I get back into the swing of life again? Will I go back to blogging? Yeah. I'm sure of it. Just not today.

So what can I tell you from my living nightmare? Hug your parents. Tell them you love them. Tell them how much they mean to you. If they do something that drives you crazy, cherish it. You'll miss the crazy when they're gone. Take pictures of them...with your kids. Be appreciative of them. Be thankful for them. Because you still have them. You never know how much you miss someone...

...until they're gone.

Miss you dad. Love you.

(My dad's obituary...if you're interested.)

Published!

So after many, many denials from agents and after several edits...and more edits...and maybe one or two edits after that...I'm published! Okay. Not really. I suppose self-publishing is still "publishing" in its loosest form. But, in my opinion it's just barely squeaking past that "officially published" line. Basically, I gave up on the traditional route and decided to forge my own path. I wrote a book and didn't want to sit on it for the rest of my life. So, I researched and debated on which way to go and how much to sell it for. I decided to use Kindle Publishing for E-books (it's digital) and now, I am proud to say, that I am officially live and ready to go on Amazon.com! My book is called The Gateway to Imagia: The Tale of Sam Little and it is going to (fingers crossed) be a part of The Imagia Trilogy. As of today, I have sold 11 copies. Most of them are to friends and family, but just this week I sold my very first word-of-mouth copy. Yeah! I have a page on Facebook for my book. I am pretty proud of how it turned out. You know...for a digital book. I have plans to release the paperback version of it for sale on Amazon.com. But in order to do that, I have to purchase an ISBN for my book to sell it. I need to sell 48 digital copies to fund my paperback version. Only 37 copies to go!

So if you feel so inclined, check it out! You can download the sample of it for free at Amazon.com. If you like it, it's for sale for $2.99. If you like it, and even if you don't like it, I'd love to hear what you think! Like my facebook page and let me know.

It's official. I'm a writer! Yeah, baby!

To buy my book or download a free sample, click here: 

The Gateway to Imagia: The Tale of Sam Little 

To visit my official Facebook page, click here:

The Gateway to Imagia Fan Page

Summer Vacation - Swim Lessons Round 2

My fish were at it again this summer! I decided that signing the kiddos up for another round of swim lessons would be great for them. Last year, I went with the YMCA and it was a great program. This year, as Josh was barely working and we've been up and down with our union issues (that's for a whole other post), I decided to give the local pool a try. It's a small town and a small pool. But here's the deal: They were exactly the same as the YMCA. Oddly enough, I'd go as far as to say that it was better. Not only did they get to go to the pool five days out of the week for two weeks, but they also got to swim with kids they knew from school. They had a blast! My kids are fish in the water. I guessed at their level and was totally wrong. I put them in level two, but the instructor said they were really level three or four. Seeing as how those two classes were so full, I figured we'd just go with level two and I'd bump them up next summer. It was a cheap class and totally worth it (even for the extra pool time they got at the end of lessons).

The best part was watching Alex and Abby do something I didn't really think they could do. They both jumped off the "high" dive. It's not really that high, but it's higher than the low dive. I couldn't believe how proud I was when I saw those two kids leaping like crazies off into the deep end. They swam great! I was popping with pride! I love keeping them busy during the summer and they love it too. I am totally going to sign them up again next summer. Oh...and as for miss Evie during swim lessons? She loved the little splash pool they have for wee ones. She loves water! I even squeezed my post-partum, fat butt into a bathing suit multiple times so that I could take her out in the water in her fancy lady-bug floatie. I have a feeling she'll be a fish too. Here's some pictures of my little divers (well...cannon ballers, at the very least).

Summer Vacation - T-Ball Time

Now that the kids are in school, using the term "summer vacation" actually applies to us. Before they were in school, it was just plain, old summer. This summer went by way too fast. By the time school started, I wasn't ready for it to be over. I really miss my kids being home. I'm glad they are learning and making friends. I just really enjoy having them home all day with me. Even when all they do is fight with each other and create giant messes in the house, I still miss it. The house these days is way too quiet. Evie agrees, I do believe. She randomly goes to the front door, cries and says "bye-bye, bye-bye, bye-bye!" This is her way of saying she wants to go see the kids. She has even begun to say rough versions of their names. (Still no "ma-ma though. grrr.)

Anyhow, this summer was pretty crazy. We had a lot of fun and a few firsts that we got to experience. The first big "first" for us was the grand entrance of sports. Alex played T-ball for the first time. He loves sports, so we couldn't deny him when he wanted to play. Granted, the greatest part for him was that he got to be on the same team as Kyler (his best bud). We had practice twice a week and five games. It's an inner-city thing that our town does through the recreation commission. It was fun and a learning experience for everyone. I played baseball/softball as a kid. It was fun to relive that through my own child. Abby wasn't interested in playing. At all. She ended up having a play-date with her friend from pre-school the same day Alex had his first game. She was more than happy to do that instead of go see brother play ball.

Alex did pretty well for his first round of team sports. He learned some fundamentals and got to have a good time with his friend. All in all, I'd say it was a good experience. I imagine he'll want to play again next summer and that's fine by me. I will say that it was pretty funny watching those little five and six year old kids try to figure out which way to run and throw. It was pretty cute and cracked me up a few times. It'll be interesting to see how much they will retain when they play again next year. Team sports, round 2  starts this week: Soccer. Yep. No clue about this sport. Gonna be interesting!

Batter up!

Third base and waiting...

Run home, Alex!

Waiting to bat with his buddy.

Mr. Cool with his John Deere hat.

Next up: Summer Vacation - Swim Lessons Round 2

First Day of School (the late, late post)

First day of school.

So, as my friend Mandy pointed out to me today, I'm epically failing on the blog front. I have a handy little post-it note on my computer with a list of things I need to write about, but have yet to do so. Fourth of July, swim lessons, the entire summer, the garden (that is mostly dying now). And of course...the first day of school. Oh, I did take a picture of my school-bound duo. I'm not lazy! I swear! Truth be told, I'm obsessed with my book right now. As soon as I finish everything for the evening and have the three wee ones off to bed, I go straight to Mr. Laptop and start working on my book. But that's not what this is about. (It's almost up for sale! yay!) So back to the first day of school...two weeks ago.

Abby is off to a great start for her first year of full day school. Kindergarten is a bit intimidating and a little too long for her, but she is getting better each day. The first day of school, she used her pink Barbie backpack and loaded it up with her lunch. Since then, she's gotten a new Phineas and Ferb backback that she is in love with, which helps her excitement level. She did fantastic on the first day! No tears or anything! I was super proud of my little Kindergartner. I will admit that I'm having some difficulty getting used to her being gone all day. I miss her and her awesome imagination and antics like crazy. Some days I turn on random shows on Netflix to fill the background with noise so that I don't go crazy. I honestly think I'm not coping nearly as well as Abby is.

Alex, on the other hand, is on to first grade. He's got the whole thing down, old hat. He wasn't very excited to go to school once he found out that his best buddy, Kyler, wouldn't be in his class. Turns out that the three recesses he has is spent playing with him, so he's getting more excited to go each day. We're still dealing with the post-summer routine switch. They go to bed at their normal "school bedtime", but it's not working out so well. Alex, my little ravenous reader, can't sleep. He sits on his bed and finds the tiniest bit of light source and reads. And reads...and reads some more. So when wake up time hits in the morning, I practically have to drag him out of bed. I actually have started threatening him with ice water to pour on him. (yes. It's that bad.) We'll get there. Or not. Either way works for me.

In short, the first day of school went pretty smooth. I've been eating lunch with Abby and saying hi to Alex everyday. I'd like to say it's mostly for them, but it's for me too. The days drag and Evie misses them horribly as well. It's going to take some getting used to. Ah, life changes. We all must adapt.

9 Months Old

9 months old

T-minus three months until little miss Evie turns one year old! Also, in a completely related countdown, three months until I am breastfeeding, no more. I'm trying to treasure the whole closeness and sweetness of the breastfeeding experience. I am. I really am. But here's the thing. Have you ever tried to breastfeed an octopus? No? Well, that's what it's like right now. Evie thinks that she can eat upside down, walking around (no joke), play with toys, bite (hello first tooth!), and watch what everyone else in the house is doing...all at the same time while eating. She also is (are you ready for this?) patting my...um...breastfeeding utensils when she's hungry. I hate to say it, but it's a little awkward for me. But here's the deal with Evie. She's busy. Very, very busy. She officially gave up crawling a week ago and is a full-on walker now. She climbs, she bounces, she even tries to run. As of now, she can wave bye-bye, nods her head 'yes', signs a few words and gives kisses. She's eating mostly finger foods now, as she rejects being spoon-fed 90% of the time. Literally, she rejects it. Spits out anything on a spoon that goes in her mouth.

At her 9 month check-up, she is checking in at 18 lbs 4 oz. By far, she is the lightest of my three. The doc says that she is way beyond her peers in the mobility department and that is why she isn't gaining a lot of weight. He told me it's time to up her calories. I'm also supposed to introduce the major allergens that they used to tell us Americans to hold off on until the first birthday. Apparently, America got it wrong with the whole "wait until they're one" method. According to the studies, countries that don't hold back on peanuts and the like have almost zero food allergies. I gotta admit, I'm a little nervous about giving her stuff, but I guess we'll do what we can. Waiting late in the game didn't help Alex so we'll try the other way with Evie. Here's hoping. He wants me to give her peanut butter soon. I'm hesitant, to say the least. We'll see.

So Evie's a busy girl and right now her biggest problem is missing her big brother and big sister when they are at school. She isn't coping well with that. She gets pretty cranky when they are gone. The moment they get home, she becomes the happiest little thing on Earth. Oh. And she is a horrible sleeper. The doc told me that if she won't sleep in her crib, I should try co-sleeping. I laughed. Docs don't normally tell you that. But apparently, because of her high skills for movin' and groovin', doc says it's okay. Who knew? I laughed because I already co-sleep half the time. I lie. It's more than half of the time. I won't say how much more.

Happy nine-month birthday, baby girl!

She's so silly! She was actually riding this stick horse around the house yesterday. How did she figure that out??

She is in love with this kitty we bought her so that she would be more comfortable in her crib. We call it Baby Kitty. She carries it everywhere.

Guess who figured out what the fun toilet paper roll does?

Jelly Bean Tree

Okay. So I have a new goal. It's simple. Just one word.

Blog.

Yep. I've been...well...preoccupied. I could easily be blogging every other night, but I've chosen a different way to utilize my computer/personal time. Do you remember me confessing that I wrote a book? Well, I did. And it's quite done now. By 'quite done', I mean I'm in the final stages of getting it published. And by 'published', I mean self published via the internet for e-readers. After more denials than I care to admit from agents, I am trying something different. Anyhow, as this post isn't supposed to be about this, I'll just sum up by saying that I've spent my evenings getting it ready and decided it was more important than blogging. On to the real post now.

Abby is by far my most creative kid. She comes up with some really fun and strange ways to play or spend her time. Right around jelly bean season (Easter), Abby decided that she wanted to grow a jelly bean tree. She marches to the beat of her own drum, that girl. So I just smiled. What I didn't know at the time, was that she actually meant to accomplish this impossible feat. She went out and planted one white jelly bean in the yard. A couple of weeks went by and wouldn't you know it. A plant grew in that very exact place. When it came time to mow the yard, she reminded me not to mow over her Jelly Bean Tree. I smiled again and complied. What were the odds that a plant would actually grow in that same exact spot that she planted that jelly bean? It had to be winning-the-lottery odds. It grew. And it grew. And it grew...into a curly dock weed.

Abby and her Jelly Bean Tree.

"They smell like jelly beans, mom!"

She was convinced that those tiny seeds growing on top would turn into jelly beans and pop out one day. So in an attempt to support her wildly imaginative theory, I went along with it. Also, I needed to cut it down before those seeds spread across my whole yard. So I told her that if she lays out bowls under a Jelly Bean Tree, that legend says, when the first sun on a summer morning touches the plant, jelly bean fruit will fall.

Getting ready for the harvest.

She was super excited and she went out to place bowls under her tree. The next morning, she woke up and went out to find her magical surprise. Jelly beans! Some of them fell on the ground and were ruined. But her bowls had plenty of "fruit" in them and she gathered her booty up and ran inside to have a jelly bean breakfast. She even shared them with her brother! What a sweetie!

Her bounty of tasty fruits!

So Abby's Jelly Bean Tree was one of the most creative things she's done so far. The funniest part was when Josh realized that I kept not mowing down the giant weed in our yard. When he asked why and I explained it to him, I don't think I've ever seen him smile so wide at something so random. His only words were, "What were the odds of that?" Abby - that girl makes me smile. I will miss having her around all day when school starts. Yep. I truly will.